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Listening and validating feelings

By Richard Salem July 2003 Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust.

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“I” messages By using “I” in your statements, you focus on the problem not the person. Redirecting If someone is showing signs of being overly aggressive, agitated, or angry, this is the time to shift the discussion to another topic.13. Open-ended Questions Use open-ended questions to expand the discussion — for example, lead with: “How? Closed-ended Questions Use closed ended questions to prompt for specifics — for example, lead with: “Is? Steil,[6] a former president of the American Listening Association.He defines catharsis as "the process of releasing emotion, the ventilation of feelings, the sharing of problems or frustrations with an empathic listener.Understanding "is not confined to bare facts," he said.

"Quite frequently the strong emotional background of an issue and the personalities involved may be more significant than the facts." He suggested that mediators apply "sympathetic understanding,"[3] which in reality is empathic listening.

Empathy is the ability to project oneself into the personality of another person in order to better understand that person's emotions or feelings.

Through empathic listening the listener lets the speaker know, "I understand your problem and how you feel about it, I am interested in what you are saying and I am not judging you." The listener unmistakably conveys this message through words and non-verbal behaviors, including body language.

It is usually sufficient to let the speaker know, "I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to help you resolve this problem." While this article focuses on mediation, it should be apparent that empathic listening is a core skill that will strengthen the interpersonal effectiveness of individuals in many aspects of their professional and personal lives.[4] Parties to unassisted negotiations -- those that do not involve a mediator -- can often function as their own mediator and increase their negotiating effectiveness through the use of empathy.

Through the use of skilled listening these "mediational negotiators" can control the negotiation by their: Before a mediator can expect to obtain clear and accurate information about the conflict from a party who is emotionally distraught, it is necessary to enable that party to engage in a cathartic process, according to Lyman S.

We all go through our daily lives engaging in many conversations with friends, co-workers, and our family members. An I-message lets the person know what you feel and why — for example, “I know you have a lot to say, but I need to. Consequences Part of the feedback may involve talking about the possible consequences of inaction. Quick reassurance, saying things like, “Don’t worry about that.” 3.